Aren't Torn & Content Antonyms?

Tell me, how can someone love a place so deeply, yet be so restless it keeps them up at night?  I never imagined I could be so torn!  I don't understand myself.  But then when do we ever, right?  That's why some of us write.  Is my journal my psychologist?

I'm never able to predict the crazy places I find my heart in with each new turn of my college experience, this semester being no different.  Guess my surprise shouldn't surprise me.  I woke up to my last semester with a sudden awareness of not just how drastically I've changed in 5 years - blah blah, we know - but the value of that journey.  It ain't gonna do no one any good if I don't speak up.  (Sorry, I've been reading The Help.  They talk in accents).
Let me explain.
     I never have any idea of what the heck I'm doing and have no right to assume that I can benefit anyone else because I'm "better", but you know what I mean when I say God has planted something in my heart, brought me through a journey, and included a boldness and confidence to share that is in Him, and not myself.  So yes, I know for sure that He is calling me to pour into the girls I can with the precious time I have, because although I may stick around, opportunities will be different when I'm no longer a student.

Example:

It dawned on me that something I've rarely heard addressed or openly encouraged by girls and women in my immediate world is their physical purity and encouraging a culture of waiting.  Not just waiting to have sex until after marriage.  But the virtue and beauty of reserving one's heart and all that goes with that.   (Come on gals, we know our heart is tied to our physicality differently than a guy's!)

RELAX.  I'm not revving up to preach a "purity" message.
The truth growing deep in my heart that I want to do my part to stand for is an understanding of the sheer value of our hearts as women.  No matter how broken, no matter how much or how little is left of it, God's view of it has never changed and it is worth cultivating... and then worth waiting for a man who has done the same.

Yes, it's hard.  Um...really hard.  Virtue is not an easy path to choose.  Put it's possible.  We will all mess up to some degree, and have to start over.  His Grace... it truly knows no boundaries.

We need support, we need other men and women encouraging each other, and we need a deeper understanding of the beauty and value of our hearts.  That understanding is what changes everything.

So why not speak up about what we are passionate about instead of journaling or blogging about it?  How many people see my blog?  A handful plus my mom?  I'm starting to give God permission to open avenues for me, as a test, (always a risk... ha!) to see if this is an area He wants to use me to encourage girls around me and help set a standard.  I'm not sure how many of us are on the same page, or who needs support and someone to talk to, but let me know.  Talk to me and let's have coffee or something.

I may be torn between a love for my home and a desire to experience the world outside the only one I've known, but I've been strongly convicted of my investment in the lives of women where I currently am.  If you would like to visit, I'd be honored!